Looking Forward

As we come into 2018 we need to think of all the fun things, all of what God can do, how God can use us and so much more. Don't dwell on the bad or what could happen.

As I say this I'm facing over 50 doctor appointments from January 8 to Dec 31st. I could let this ruin my time with my family as well as the year BUT I have a lot of exciting things to look forward to. 
1. Caleb an Elizabeth's wedding.
2. Visiting with my grandbabies.
3. Going to Church being a part of the ministry.

These are just a few things I can look forward to.
I know that what I'm facing isn't going to be easy and it's not going to be fun, but with God all things are possible.  When I started the clinical trial they told me I would lose my hair. I believe in the power of prayer! I also believe because of my praying God allowed me to keep my hair. Again, I've been told you'll lose you're hair during this 12 weeks of Chemo. If I do I'll be sad it won't be easy, but I'll be praying for God to allow me not to. Sort of odd but I can look forward to changing my hair style or color. LOL

Looking forward to 2018 for most is easy, but I'll have to work on it at times. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart.... it won't always be easy but I'm trusting in God to help me Look Forward to special times and to get through the hard times.

So as you start the new year, take one day at a time, praise God for that day and make it Amazing, by looking forward to your day, month, year!!

It's Ok to say, "No, I can't do that"

Good afternoon to all my amazing friends, family, prayer warriors and countless others. I have no idea who all reads this blog or who is praying for us during my journey. I do know that without a doubt the Lord is taking care of us through it all.

This week will start the Year long journey that I/we as  a family are facing. During all the treatments, chemo and radiation we have a graduation to plan for, Jason has business math to finish, I have piano lessons, my wonderful husband has appointments to go to with me, some of his own appointments plus so much more. However we'll simply take the next 365 days one day at a time. Trusting in the Lord each step of the way!

For those who want to know my appointment tomorrow is at 9:30 then on Wednesday my day will start at 8:30 in the morning with Blood draw then approximately around 10 I'll start the infusion which will go for six hours. This will be my last treatment for 2017.

So that is the very short of a very long list of appointments, of  which  I was told about on Thursday. This past Thursday we had several things that were planned but by mid morning I had to say, "No, I'm unable to do that today." Not because I decided just not to do those things, but I needed time to process. If you are going through ANYTHING you need to be able to say, "No" sometimes. You may say, "but you've been going through these things for eight months what more is there to process?" Well, when I was told I had this other appointments I didn't know the extent of it all, and when my doctor called on Thursday it was a bit overwhelming. As I was told that afternoon, it's ok to say, No. I was also told, "you don't need to just push through and pretend everything is normal. Sometimes you need to take time out and process." I'm so thankful for that and the understanding of our (Interim) Pastor and his wife. Even though we had a big yearly event planned, they understood and I didn't have to worry about that evening.

It took me a lot of that afternoon, and evening to really process not only the upcoming appointments of the next year but other things.

So as you go through you daily lives, as you face different things in your life realize that sometimes you just need to say, OK, it's not a normal day, I need this time to process or I need to NOT do this or that. We all, myself included, have days where seeing people, talking with someone specific, or seeing certain people is hard it's ok. Once you realize that just because one isn't here or there doesn't mean necessarily mean they are sick, or don't want to see you, it very simply could be they are having to process things in their life.

So as you go through your day, Make it amazing, Make someone's day amazing. If they say, No don't take it personally but rather say ok an go on.
 

The Journey continues

Hello from cold, snowy Maine! It's definitely beginning to look like Christmas around here. I'm sure many if not all of you have your tree up and your house is decorated for the Christmas season. This is one of my favorite holidays. This year seems to have a little extra specialness to it. Jesus gives us all life and he is leading his children through life. Yes there are trials and journeys we each must face, will face or are facing. One journey I think of is the one that I know many are facing this Christmas season and that is having loss a loved one. These dear friends and family are especially in my thoughts as we go through this Christmas. Then there are those going through the journey of illness, pain, heartbreak etc. These dear people also are in my thoughts and as much as I would rather not be a part of this group I am. However, as I told a dear friend earlier today, back in May I told the Lord no matter what the results I would give him the glory. So rather than looking at this as poor me, it's been what can God do through me that will bring glory to him.

I'm not sure if I have shared the following already so if I have please bear with me. Back in oh, January of this year maybe a little later in the year I had told the Lord I wanted to serve him more. In April my Pastor had asked me if I would help in an area, and I was thrilled to do that, I had started piano lessons again to improve my playing and learn more about music, I had also made decisions about Bible reading, Prayer, soul winning and many other things. Then as you know in May I was diagnosed with HER2+ ICD. At first I asked why? I;m going to serve you Lord, I have made steps in the direction of increasing areas, getting back to things I knew I needed to do, not just for me but for the Lord. Anyway, after the initial shock of everything and much love, support, and caring from several dear friends, my church, my Pastor, I knew I couldn't let this stop me. So I told the Lord no matter what you'll get the glory for everything.

Well, the Clinical Trial I did that was in Boston did what the doctors had hoped it would. I know it was of the Lord that it went as it did. Once I heard that I was cancer free, I was Praising the Lord and so excited, hoping and praying that I wouldn't have a lot more to go through. Well, if you are on Facebook you have seen some of what I will be facing for the next 12 months.

For an entire year I'll be having treatment every 3 weeks, this will continue to attack anything that possibly could be left from the cancer. The purpose for this is the HER2+ is a very aggressive cancer. If I was to say no to this treatment I would run a higher risk of it reoccurring. Then I'll have a total of 8 weeks of Chemo, which I'm very thankful I won't be getting the AC Chemo which is a harsh chemo. I'm able to go without that. However this will mean I'll have a greater chance of hair loss now. I am at peace with this, if I lose my hair, as of now I can say, "I'm prepared for it" now when it actually happens if it does.... well, I'll let you know then how I do. Lastly will be shortly after chemo is finished I'll have 6 weeks of Radiation.

For those who are asking why are you going through this if you are cancer free? The key reason is preventative! See, the chances of the cancer returning right now are greater than if I go through the year of treatments, chemo and radiation. Once I complete the year of everything my chance of it reoccurring is less than 10%.

Will I be sick during all this? Probably, but as Dr. Julia said, "everyone is different."
Hair loss, again I didn't loss it earlier which they are very surprised by. I believe it was a HUGE answer to prayer! I prayed and prayed that the Lord would allow me to keep my hair, and well, he did! "Ask and it shall be given you" The Bible clearly states that the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts and that's exactly what I believe he did.
Will I have stop any part of it because my body can't handle it? We'll have to see. However, again my prayer is that since the Doctors believe this is what I need that the Lord will allow me to go through everything with as little problems as possible. Just as I did the first round, I'll stay busy, I'll stay positive and trust in the Lord to take care of everything.
I have an in home nurse now so that if I have a problem or need her, all it takes is a phone call. Plus my oncologist is only 15 minutes away during the day. So with all the medicines, chemo, radiation that will take place I have medical staff close by. I have my church family who, by the way has been, next to my family, the biggest and greatest support anyone could ask for.

So my dear friends, though all this sounds terrible, trust me when I say, "I'm at peace with everything, God has and will get all the glory for everything." He won't get the glory only if it's good, though hard he will also get the glory for the bad/hard as well.

C - Concern not only for your family but others.
A - Abide in Him don't quit on God
N - Never give up, we weren't given life to just give up.
C - Caring for others, though you are hurting or sick put others first and show them you care.
E - Enduring all that is before you even on those days you don't feel up to it.
R - Rejoice in the Lord even when you don't feel like it.

Even with a word that is so awful, dreadful and fearful we can take and turn it around to be our platform, our encourager, our help to others.

So what will you do to Make Today Amazing! Or as a gift I received the other day, says, "Make Today Ridiculously Amazing!" Go out and share a your testimony or a testimony of one you know that would help another.

"The 'Clean Up' After the Celebration"

This particular title is not one I thought of. Actually in sharing my most recent update with a dear friend, Linda, she made the statement, "the 'clean up' after the celebration" and I really liked it. So I asked her if I could us it for the title to this post. If you are just following this blog or have been following it; the last 7 months have been full of various events in my life. Although there's not a particular scripture that goes with this topic I'm going to refer to one that I have used and depended on a lot since May 9th of this year.

Psalms 56:3-4  
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me."

Since my last post I've received news that, I'm cancer free! The Lord is receiving all the praise for this. I trusted in the Lord to lead us to the right doctors and for the Lord to give them wisdom in how to treat the cancer. Now in the worlds eyes, the clinical trial I did was what cured me, which yes without that I could very well not be cancer free. However as I look back over the last almost 7 months God has moved in so many ways and he allowed me to be cured.  

I was afraid, but I trusted in Him and depended on Him. I had days where I let fear take hold, but as my pastors wife so graciously would remind me, I didn't stay there. I allowed the Lord to use me. I could have given up completely but we/I didn't. I continued taking piano lessons, I stayed in the singing group at church, on the days I could I went soul winning or visiting with either ladies in our church or with my husband. Most importantly and harder done than said, I turned it over to the Lord. I decided at the beginning that God would get the praise and glory for all that happened. I remember not to many weeks into the treatments, I told the Lord, You're going to have to take charge! I can't do this on my own, I need you Lord in order to get through! He did just that, the Lord took charge and well, here I am today. 

So now I'm sure you're wondering what does the clean up after the celebration have to do with this. Well, on Monday 11/27 I met with 6 different doctors and nurses to learn what the stage of my journey would take. Some of this you may not understand but trust me, it's good :) After having my surgery I was called a week later by my surgeon letting me know my pathology reports were back and I am Cancer Free!!! 

Psalms 57: 7-11 "My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise. Awake up, my glory, awake, psaltery and harp; I myself will awake early. I will praise thee, O LORD, among thy people; I will sing unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth." 

I have written in the margin of my Bible next to these verses is, "God CAN and WILL see through this "bump" in the road! I just need to stay focused on Him!"  I believe that as I approach my "clean up" it's because I did my best to keep my heart fixed on God, continued to sing his praises. I would awake and go to church on Sunday, I would awake and read the Bible and listen to godly music. As I was able to go out, I'd tell others of Christ and what he's done not only for me but the world. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life."

So my "clean up" is going through a years worth of treatments, radiation and care. Though it sounds awful it is to care for what I HAD! The IDC (Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma), HER2+ is not anything to play with. There is different levels of chemo and I'm very thankful that I'll not need the AC of Chemo. I'll also have a lower strength of radiation. 

The first part of everything will be 12 weeks. Then within a few weeks of that I'll have 6 weeks of radiation. As I approach each stage I'll give a little more about it. I did mention this would be a total of a year. This is because I'll have one part of the chemo that will go longer. I'm still trying to get it all figured out as far as the names of things. I'm by no means a doctor and most of these names are literally Greek to me. heehee So, the Clean up after the celebration is simply I was given wonderful news that I'm cancer free! Then a week later I'm told what I have to still go through even after such wonderful news. God is good and I REALLY can't complain at all. Yes, I'm sure I'll still have days, maybe weeks where I feel lousy but it's for the best.(at least I can say that right now :) ) 

I want to say I'm still doing my best to allow this to be a platform, a help, a possible encouragement for another. As I learned just the other day, another lady has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer has no limits or favorites, it simply is a disease that attacks and it can be anyone of any age, race, size it matters not. However how you approach the first word of having it can determine so much. Some people will conquer it while others loss the battle. My biggest desire is to see no one with it, but if you have to go through it, Please don't try to go it alone! God wants and is ready, and willing to take your hand and guide you. He'll even carry you through at times. I love the saying, the teacher is quiet during the test. That is when you may think God's not there, he's just being quiet and carrying you. Be still and know God! So, even though clean up may not be easy I'm ready to start and get this year long clean up done! 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding". Proverbs 3:5 

Taking a Roller Coaster ride of emotions.....

Good Evening everyone I'm not sure exactly at this moment what I'll title this post because I have so much going through my mind, heart, so many emotions.... This week has been a week of tears, lose, Heavens gain, joy, wondering if I made a right decision. Remember Dr. Hyles preaching not to make a decision when your decision maker is broken. There's been physical pain, emotional pain, thankfulness and wondering why one must go so soon. These have all been my thoughts and emotions since last Monday morning on our way to Boston for my mastectomy.

This past Monday I had my first major surgery and yes I was nervous. Through prayer, and the prayers of many I am doing well. The scheduled two hour surgery only took 45 minutes which is a huge blessings! This is a blessing in that what they thought would be a lot of cancer to still remove was a lot less. I spent the night in the hospital and was able to come home on Tuesday. I now have an in home nurse who come 3 times a week for a few weeks.
The scars that will remain behind from having a mastectomy will always be there and as of yet, I'm completely ready for this part of life, but I can say, "God is good and he doesn't allow anything in our lives that we can't handle." So, after my surgery I did have the wonderful privilege to come home and have my momma here for a few more days. She and my daddy were here the week before and thank the Lord for friends who made it possible for her to stay an extra week so would be here after my surgery. Though the Lord has allowed me to see victories through my cancer Heaven has gained a very special Man of God, our Pastor, Rick Walters. He lost his battle to cancer and is now walking streets of gold and sitting at Jesus feet. His family and our church has lost a great man but Heavens gained. a true man of God.

As I mentioned this week has been a whole realm of emotions. Scars that I'll learn to live with, pain that will go away, decisions that weren't easy to make for my husband and I. Ladies, when you go through anything and if you are married, DO NOT exclude your husband! You and your spouse are ONE! I could never have made the decisions that we've made the last few months without the love and support of my spouse, my love, my husband! I couldn't have gone through any of this without the Lord! He'll never leave me nor forsake me!

Typing this is a bit painful as my lymph nodes were cut in my left arm due to the cancer. I am gaining back full use of my arm. god has given me grace, peace and strength to get through each day. so one handed typing isn't going to bad. smile

As you go through a trial, lose, or anything who do you depend on?
Psalms 40:2 "He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings."
I use this verse a lot but there's so much truth in it. "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understand. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Proverbs 3:9 "Honour the LORD with thy substance...."

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice!

Without Christ, the Bible, Prayer, Church, family, friends we/I couldn't get through this week and weeks to come. My desire is if you don't know Jesus as your Saviour that you would accept him. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world (put your name here) that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever (you) believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." Friend how many people that would give up their only child for the world, for you or anyone? The only one I know is our Lord! That just shows how much he loves you and wants you to be with him. How much he wants to be in your life, in your decisions, in your hard times, in your trials. If you have never asked Jesus to save you, please take the time to simply ask for his forgiveness and to come into your heart. I'd love to hear from you if you do this! If you need help feel free to contact me.

Yes, my heart is breaking for my Pastors family. Yes, I miss my Pastor. Yes, I have and am in pain at various points of my day and night. Yes, I have difficult decisions to make BUT I have my wonderful Lord to depend on and ONLY he can Make Today Amazing!!!

Another Reality Check

Back in June I had written about having a Reality Check.... Well, I've kind of reached that stage again where there's another reality check. On this upcoming Monday I'll go through the various test that was done back in May and June. Only they'll pretty much ALL be in one day. *Bright side, I don't have to study for them Ha Ha!

So Monday will be about "normal" then we'll get to see some of Boston other than Dana Farber :) Tuesday though is going to be a little more intense. I'm not just meeting with doctors but with the surgeon. Now, with God all things are possible and they very well could say, NO surgery needed. However, from my understand the type of cancer I have that's the majority of the cure is having the surgery.

The last few post I've done, I've looked at different things Mrs. Marlene Evans wrote in two of her books. I'm so thankful for my Pastors wife who put out a request to get me these books and for the ladies who have allowed me to borrow or have them. I'm also so very grateful for my Pastor who prays for cares about the members of the church.

So, even though I'm NOT looking forward to any type of surgery I'm depending on the Lord to give peace, comfort and understanding as we meet with the doctors on Tuesday. So as I refer to another chapter in Mrs. Evans book "There's life after Cancer",  "Have you ever felt as if no one, not even God, understood you and that you were cut off from the world? Affliction and trouble can overwhelm you. Others do feel that way even today. You are not alone." Psalms 102:7 "I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top." 

The greatest thing is, that not even the sparrow goes unwatched by God? As his child, I am watched over and cared for more than ever. These long days of pain every time I stand or walk through the house, the Lord knows. When my hands hurt to the point I don't want to practice piano, the Lord knows!!! As I look at the last week I may have had 4 rough days, but today I was able to do a little more and enjoy it.

Romans 8:35-39 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For they sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

We are more conquerors! That's exactly what I am! I won't give up and no matter what the Lord brings my way, I have the word of God to lean on, to encourage and teach!!

So by having the Bible, reading it, and letting the Holy Spirit speak to you through God's Word how can one go wrong. Making decisions with God on your side even if you don't understand the why, Remember Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

So following these tips in Mrs. Evans book:
1. Keep your Bible with you at all times!
2. Let the Bible direct you to soul winning!
3. Let the Bible direct you to church!
4. Let the Bible lead you to prayer! "Pray without ceasing."

As the journey of cancer has taken me down many roads, through many things I never thought I'd have to go through, One thing I am so thankful for this Journey has brought me and my family closer to God!

So as you make your day amazing by doing various things make sure that you never feel your alone because God is always there, you can always read your Bible and Pray.  Make today Amazing just trusting in the Lord and remembering that he'll never leave you.

The Stop light of sickness

Funny thought to me using a stop light but once again I was reading one of Mrs. Marlene Evans book on Cancer I came across this. The title of the chapter in her book "There's Life After Cancer" is "Talking Your Sickness" in this chapter she used the stop light as her points. I will be using some of what she shared as I do this post. (bold and italic will be from her book exact) I want to say I've watched many people deal with things in their lives and I so admire the ones who didn't let what they were dealing with in their lives define them. I think of Mrs. Evans - she didn't let cancer define her but rather she defined it. There's Mrs. Carol Frye Tudor - her brother was very sick, He nor his sister allowed his sickness to define him. There's my dear friend, Mrs. Kelly Johnson she didn't allow cancer to define her. My prayer and goal is that as I go through life now and after cancer that I don't let any part of it define me, but rather that I use it for good. Yes, it's part of my life but it doesn't need to run or ruin my life.

So stop light sickness? HUM??
In Mrs. Evans book she says,  "Use the red light about the people with whom you share the details of your aches and pains." What does she mean by this? After reading her statement on this, we don't need to tell every little ache and pain and the exact location of that pain to everyone. If you are asked specifically and it's someone you confide in, it's ok. However, don't go around telling every detail of your pains. There are some people you just don't ask how they are doing because you'll get word for word and detail for detail of their life. You don't have to be rude about it, there are times I'll be asked, "How are you today?" I recall on service I was asked this. I replied to one of the ladies at church with "I'm doing ok". She immediately says back, Now tell me the truth! Of course without great detail I told her a little about my day and how I was doing. Use a red light when talking sickness, know when to hush, know when to give a simple answer and when to give more detail.

The yellow light: "Use the yellow light as far as talking too much about pain, even with your "disease buddies."  Use caution!! You can get depressed constantly discussing your sickness. Have "normal" conversations with family, friends, disease buddies be an encourager, uplifting others. Share scripture and pray together.

"Use the green light if talking about the particulars of your sickness helps you, ask God to help you find some people who have a similar need." I have done this very thing! It has helped having specific people I can go to, call, or even write and talk with them. Sometimes knowing someone else understands is the greatest help next to prayer and depending on our Lord for strength and support.

Friend, if you have a friend or loved one who has an illness don't always talk about that when you're with them. Let them live and enjoy life. As I've read these books and reviewed materials on HER2+ and on the IDC I've learned but I've not dwelt on it. I have missionary friends I call, my Pastors wife, and others that I know when I need to talk with them about my health.

As you, I have a children to raise, a husband to be the best I can be for, a house that I want to look nice and clean. Can I do it all by myself? Some days no! But I rejoice in the Lord on the days I can cook a meal for my husband and boys. I rejoice in the Lord on the days I can go up and down the stairs to do laundry. I thankful for the days I can sit and enjoy a meal with my family and not get sick. Look for the things in your life that will make your day amazing and then turn around do it and rejoice in the Lord that he's given you the strength to do those things.